I feel like we’ve all been bombarded with articles, television shows and PSA’s on this topic, but it’s on my mind due to my recent fascination with tumblr. Since joining, I’ve seen hundreds of women, of all ethnicities, pop up on my dashboard. The pictures are usually accompanied by a short comment about how beautiful or sexy she is, and occasionally the poster will add on specifics about her body.
This is fine. I really have no problem with it, so please don’t misunderstand me. It’s just that I keep seeing men build these lists of what an ideal woman looks like, and they all seem to resemble these impossible video vixens’ (often airbrushed) bodies. I get pictures of women who are teeny everywhere but then you scroll down and BAM! There pops out a booty that looks like two perfectly round beach balls wrapped in skin and stuck between a bikini bottom. Usually there is long flowing hair, sometimes caught by a breeze. She has perfectly bronzed skin, and is standing in that just perfect position which displays both her rotund backside and a perky bit of side-boob. You know the one.
Yes. We’re all too familiar with these girls, these images. I have to admit. They really are beautiful women. I couldn’t blame anyone for drooling a bit. My issue, is that I don’t see these women walking around in real life. She doesn’t work with me. She wasn’t in college with me, and I don’t see her shopping at the mall. So why is she on the top of the “wants” list for every man I run into?
Okay, for the sake of being politically correct, I will be fair and say that I do realize not every man wants Esther or Bria or Buffy the Body. I do have to tell you though, being on various message boards, social networking sites, and even just in the company of my many male friends, it gets tough to escape the images of these women. Why isn’t the regular ol’ jane appreciated anymore? Why is it considered settling if a guy has to forego the chick with the “perfect body” for a girl with small breasts or a average behind? I’m always amazed at how men talk about loving a woman who loves herself and wants to wear her natural hair, yet THESE aren’t the ladies who make heads turn in clubs or lounges.
I spoke to some kids, all boys between the ages of 7 and 12 about girls and what they considered attractive. Even at this age, many of them already knew that they wanted to date a girl who had long straight flowing hair (among other superficial attributes). Here is the thing, guys. While black women come in all shades with various textures and lengths of hair (sometimes even on the same head), some of these wigs and fabulous weaves that you see blowing in the wind are simply impossible to achieve naturally. This isn’t even race specific. I watched the Kardashian sisters do an interview on the Wendy Williams show a few months ago. If you’ve never seen the show, then you should know that Mrs. Williams is not shy about asking any of her guests extremely personal questions. You can always expect a hair inquiry. Each of the girls, Kim, Khloe, and Kourtney were each wearing hair extensions and pieces to add length and volume. African-American, Armenian-American, Latin-American, European-American, it doesn’t matter. Women of all cultures and creeds are adding hair to their crowns in order to achieve this desired thickness and length that we see in magazines and on television. Why? Because nobody can grow THAT much hair on one head! There simply aren’t enough hair follicles to support that much volume, and yet, this is what men want. This is what little boys already view as perfect and beautiful, leaving little girls to grow up with impossible standards, and grown women running to keep up with them.
I’m so tired of beautiful and pretty meaning anything that does not look like me. There are women who work out seven days a week, and while they might be toned and fit, they will never have a butt that you can sit a cup on, or a waist that curves inward at a sharp angle. Chris Rock did a documentary called “Good Hair” in 2009 about the lengths black women go to in order to have beautiful hair. While on his promotional tour for the film, he stopped by to talk to Oprah and said that women do these things, these beauty routines with hair and clothing, etc for each other and not for men. How many times have we heard that? “Women dress for other women because men don’t pay attention to all of that.” I’m in complete disagreement with this.
Listen to me. A straight woman who is interested in dating and or marrying, is concerned with how MEN see her. She knows that when she goes out and will be among single men, it is they who will be evaluating her and making quick judgments on whether or not she is datable. Of course, this statement is not without ANY merit, as we all know women talk. You walk into a restaurant, and someone is noticing your shoes, your dress, your hair, and that someone might just be female. It is not, however, the person that will ultimately decide to get better acquainted with you. We are not putting all this effort into our outer appearance for random ladies we run into. Men decide what is attractive, and women strive to fall somewhere close to that standard in hopes of being considered desirable. Men, YOU set trends, even without realizing it. If young boys saw men loving and appreciating women who were proud to wear their hair (either natural or relaxed), who were healthy, whether thick or thin, who were all hues of the rainbow, we would see the definition of beauty widen. Drooling over women who represent 1% of the population while the other 99% walk among you each day severely lowers the odds of finding someone special and worthy to spend your time and possibly your life with.
Please don’t misunderstand me. We all have preferences, and various ideas of what is beautiful. I’m just wondering why men, particularly black men, often find it difficult to recognize the magnificence of the “regular” women in their lives who don’t necessarily look like the airbrushed ladies on the cover of King Magazine. Can we open our eyes to the ladies who carry themselves well, take care of their bodies, have plush afros and locks, cute cropped cuts, and smiles that light up any room they walk into. The women who love you, regular men who may in fact NOT ever be mistaken for Denzel, Columbus Short, or David Beckham.
Lets widen our definitions, and take a peak in the mirror while we’re making judgments, as well. I welcome discussion about this topic.
