So…. I have a confession…. I don’t know what it is tonight… I suspect that it has a lot to do with the weather. I woke up at 5:30am feeling like I’d been hit by a train. See… I went to bed pretty late… but even after my head hit the pillow I found it hard to settle into the deep slumber I so desperately needed. Instead I tossed and turned until about 3:45… so you can imagine why I’ve been pretty cranky all day long.
So, I rubbed my eyes until my surroundings were no longer fuzzy and I could find my remote. I laid there talking myself out of playing hooky from every single responsibility I have. Its this little game I play with myself every morning. “Come on, you work hard every day! You know you’re exhausted… just take the day…. They’ll understand, its not like they never take a day off!” But of course… my superego (that’s morality for all you non-psych folks) wins out. So after the conversation between self and self has ended. I sit up, remote in hand, and turn to the news. A few shakes of my hair… and I’m quickly undressed and off to the shower.
Its my routine… not much changes from day to day… but this morning the meteorologist made me linger a little longer than usual… he talked about the severe weather we could expect for the afternoon. Then he hinted at tornados. Now this is nothing new, after all, we are approaching spring. But something about the way he talked about it made me think maybe there was something to be worried about. Nevertheless I continued on with getting ready and thus, here I am at 1:16am.
The weatherman was right about the severe weather because it’s been raining and thundering and lightning all afternoon and it got extremely bad late tonight. I’m not afraid of thunderstorms… I actually rather enjoy them…but tornados?? Yeah they freak me out, lol. Once the thought of possibly being tossed through the air and mercilessly flung onto a random rooftop left my mind, I was able to focus on the beauty of the storm. [There is so much more to this than I have time to write about now… but we’ll return to this topic later on…. but i digress…]
There’s nothing like the tapping of rain drops on a night when you’ve got so much on your mind. I’m actually a little disappointed that while I type this, its calmed down out there. I want nothing more than to lay in bed with all the lights off and listen to one of my slow jam mixed cd’s… I have this fantasy where I’m laying on the couch next to him… and the lights are off… two candles are burning and there’s a cd playing in the background. Its not sexual in nature at all. Its about intimacy. In the daydream, neither of us are saying a word. There’s lots of contact… little strokes on the arm and chest.. but mainly I just remember listening to his heart beat… feeling his energy… and letting the music take me away.
I confess that I still want my fairytale. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve said this. I know that might put me in that cornball category, and that’s fine… but I can’t help it. I’m really happy right now. Things seem to be going really well in all areas of my life and I love that. The truth is, I feel like I’m on my way to living my dream. Everyday I get a new feeling that I can’t seem to put into words. Thoughts pop in and out of my head and I daydream about the future… today… tomorrow… next week, and even months ahead. I haven’t said it out loud because I’m afraid to admit it…. But what I’m finding is that I love to dream. I love to wonder about what the future holds… and I love to get carried away in my thoughts. Is that crazy? I find myself wishing I knew more about what’s to come…just a little inkling about tomorrow’s secret… but I realize now that this is all part of the fun… it’s the not knowing that gives us the ability to daydream!
I planned to go a little further into the details of my thoughts and dreams that have been swimming in my head lately… but I think I’ll hold on to ‘em a little longer….
Keep daydreamin’ y’all…. Its worth it. As kids most of us found all the time in the world to sit and completely tune out all that was going on around us and just wonder about things. I’m hoping that as adults, we will rediscover what it means to fantasize about everyday things… it’s a stress reliever… a hope giver…. It really is nice.
I think I’m off to bed now… hoping tonight grants me an ample amount of sleep. Happy dreaming….
… there is a sort of enchanting feeling about it all… Feels like a push forward. Definitely moving in the right direction…. I feel brand new. 
I didn’t ask questions when I should have. I didn’t try to verify if what he was telling me was the truth… and I didn’t even let the idea that he might have been lying to me even bounce around in my head. I was in love, yes. But I was more in stupid, than anything else. Love is blind? No…. love is smart, and love will never do you the way he did me… 
remember that kids, lol.