Living Daydream

 
"Life gives us brief moments with another… but sometimes in those brief moments we get memories that last a life time…" -unknown

"I held a moment in my hand, brilliant as a star, fragile as a flower, a tiny sliver of one hour. I dripped it carelessly, Ah! I didn’t know, I held opportunity." -unknown

"What you need to know about the past is that no matter what has happened, it has all worked together to bring you to this very moment. And this is the moment you can choose to make everything new. Right now." -unknown

After worrying for years and years and years… feeling like I was built to agonize over every detail, I stopped. In that moment, I realized all that I had missed out on. All the times those wonderful things had occurred… without anyone’s help… all effort completely absent.  I reflected on the magical stuff that mysteriously takes over when you least expect it.

There are instances…. When… people are who they really are… they are naked with only humanity left for you to see. It is at those times, that they are the most beautiful. Every imperfection, each blemish…laid out like a road map for you to follow… feels like you know where to move…

I’ve been so good lately. I’ve mastered think-stop… well, I did until like 2 days ago. I don’t know what happened… but i’m back to my usual non-stop hamster wheel thought process self.

I feel like I’m about to explode. I really do. I’m exhausted right now, because I’ve done a crazy amount of driving over the last few weeks. Well, actually it hasn’t been that much.. but its been enough to have me feeling a little tired at the moment. The point is, I could lay down at this very moment, and be knocked out. Like forreal forreal, knocked out… not knowing where I am… same position all night, knocked.out.

But I’m not. I’m awake… because I have something on my mind and I can’t shake it. I’m so freakin aggravated!!!! This is ridiculous. It really is.  You know… I’m always telling other people to say whats on their minds. Tell somebody what you want them to know. Friend piss you off? Let ‘em know! Parent on your nerves? Tell ‘em why! Girlfriend driving you nuts? Sit her down and explain it! All good advice, right? Right! So why am I having such a hard time with allllllllll the thoughts in my head at this moment? Because I know the truth. I know that sometimes people can’t handle complete honesty. Sometimes they ask the question, and then act like wusses because of the answer. Thats so stupid. I’m sorry if this feels like i’ve reverted to 5th grade… but i’m just… done.

I’m DONE. We are all grown.. really we are. Life is happening, folks!!! Its REAL… and its okay!!! Why do people keep freakin’ out when life happens? Why? Ugh. I’m just… its like.. I know I’ve chosen to deal with adults. I know I did. I specifically remember checking to make sure the folks I’ve allowed in my circle were grown. Yet and still… they choose to make kiddie choices. 

Why would you run from something that’s GOOD? When has that ever made any sense? You have your dream job… making 90G’s a year… and you want to run from it? You met the person who makes you happier than you could ever imagine and just "gets you" and you want to run from it? You bought the house that feels like heaven when you walk thru the door… and you want to run from it? You got pregnant after trying for 2 years… and you want to run from that???

Its crazy. Absolutely insane. It is. All the excuses in the world won’t make it make sense. I just wanna tell them all to go suck an egg. I think its ridiculous. Running won’t make you feel better. It will make you feel like an a** once you realize what you ran FROM.

All these songs.. and these poems… and these movies about following dreams..and being bold and brave.. and for what?

*sigh* I wanted to blog about the thoughts in my head. I blogged about a fraction of ONE of them, lol. Its cool though. Guess this is just one of those things better left unsaid for the moment.

whatever. while y’all are running away from what you want… i’ll be chilling, walking at a nice comfortable pace towards what I need. This summer has some intriguing things in store.   Whew… tomorrow’s gym session is gonna be crazy… ‘cause I got some aggravation to work out…

I walked around outside last night. It wasn’t on purpose, at first…. but I stepped outside, and after an eighty degree day, the temperature had dropped to about sixty… the sun had gone down and there was a breeze that felt so….. good. Made me think about all the stuff that makes me feel good…

days like that one… cool with a breeze that makes me shiver.

freshly washed blankets that smell like detergent and fabric softner.

laughter. real, laughter.

soft touches… light rubs on the arm…

cuddles

nice smells

go-go and dancehall when i’m feeling free…

*sigh* I could go on and on… beautiful moments make life worth living… you should have one with me…