Living Daydream

But let’s be real with one another for a sec, aiight… He’s still a black man and this is still America, and you know how sometimes that whole black and America thing doesn’t always work out the way we’d like it to.

So what can we do in these waning days before the election to assure, to the best of our ability, an Obama victory on Nov. 4? Here’s my step by step guide for how to not screw the pooch on this one and actually get this thing done on election day…

Step One: Vote. Before we start planning our outfit for the inagural (which could look like a mix between NBA All Star Weekend and the Watkins-Cleveland Family Reunion gone awry), make sure that you exercise the franchise and get out to the polls. I know that it seems like a simple thing to do, but some of us might rely on others to do it for us and well, that’s not gonna cut it this time. Just like you wouldn’t count on Niecy and Bay-bay to redeem your winning lottery ticket, don’t rely on them to secure your access to the democratic process. If you’re in an early voting state, vote early… if you’re not, get to the polls first thing on November 4th… if you live in Chicago, vote twice.

Step Two: Shut Up. I say this in the most insulting way possible because if I don’t, you won’t hear me. Please, over the next few days keep your piehole shut and don’t say or do anything stupid. If you’re confronted by a media outlet for your opinion, play possum and don’t say anything beyond a shrug and a “Man, I’on’t eeeeeven know.” If you’re a major public figure that just so happens to be black, take a vacation to an island that doesn’t have a satellite news feed. If you’re a rapper, this ain’t the week for you to make a special John McCain diss record. Websites like Drudge Report and outlets like Fox News are just chomping at the bit waiting for one of us to say something dumb so they can blame all of us for feeling that way. Shut your trap, hide in your house, don’t snitch.

Step Three: Prepare For A Loss. Maybe I’m just paranoid, but I still have this haunting suspicion that they’re going to figure out a way to steal this one too. Like people are gonna show up to the polls and find that our government has been taken over by a military junta and we now have become citizens of the new Palinistan. It was hard enough to get a black man to win the Heisman Trophy, so I just don’t see how they give up the presidency that easy. I’m not saying that some crazy or untoward stuff will happen, I’m just saying I wouldn’t be surprised if it did.

Step Four: Find A New Excuse. If we do get a black president, we will officially be on a 50 year blame moratorium with the government. Didn’t think about that one, did ya? Well, get used to hearing phrases like, “But you have a black president” or “I’m not racist, I voted for Obama” or “Racism doesn’t matter, look at the president.” Oh yeah, they’re gonna truck them out on November 5th. So we’re gonna hafta actually do things like be good parents, fix our credit, and assume responsibility for the failures of others in our community who may not be living the dream.

Step Five: Stop telling white folks what we’re gonna do when there’s a black president. Shhhhhhhhhh! You’ll get the memo in the mail, until then, let’s keep it to ourselves.

Step Six: If you see someone with a McCain/Palin sticker on their car, hug them. Hold them close to you, hold them tight and let them know everything’s gonna be alight. They’re scared, they don’t know what’s happening to them, and they just need reassurance that they’re okay. Let them know that we’re not going to eat them or sell them into slavery and that the rumors about the Jam Master Jay holiday have been vastly blown out of proportion.