3:47 am
I am truly blessed in so many ways. Usually when someone says that, its because of some momentous occasion that has just taken place… or maybe a huge financial blessing, or deliverance from a situation. None of that is the case. Don’t get me wrong, there are wonderful things happening all around me, and to me, even. Its just not the specific reason I’m counting my blessings here at 3:47am on this Wednesday. I have been working all day, and when I left work, I went to a coffee shop to do more work. I came home, and then got started on… yup, you guessed it, more work. I’m just now settling down in my bedroom, freshly showered and moisturized. I am listening to one of my favorite songs of all time, and all is quiet and peaceful.
I have always loved this time of the night, because it feels like I’m the only one awake. I feel like I have the world to myself, and while the rest of you are sleeping, I get to have this big huge planet to do nothing but think… write… create. This song that is playing in the background made me tear up tonight. Brought back some beautiful memories, and the tearing up, was less about the actual events of the memories… and more about the feeling attached to them.
I feel now, more than ever, confident that those same feelings that I felt way back then, will return one day soon. I remember when i was the eternal optimist. Always looking up, expecting good things to happen, because I’m a good person. Then I grew up and life happened. The optimist in me faded, and I became a realist. I was proud to make this transition, because I thought to myself, "how childish it was to believe that the glass was always half full, and brimming with possibility!" That optimist… she’s not back quite yet, but I have regained a little of my love of fantasy. Love, fairy-tales, beautiful blue skies, the first orange leaf that falls and marks the beginning of autumn, peppermint mochas, fuzzy scarves and hand holding…. laughter and sniffles… it all has a bit of an ethereal quality. Listening to the flutes flying in this song… and the violins crying… makes me remember why I ever felt that way in the first place.
Life did happen. It will continue to happen…. but i’ll always be that girl… with the love for all things… romantic, intangible, light and airy….
this moment… sitting here with nothing but those orchestral notes playing softly in the background of my thoughts… feels magical. Have you ever listened to a Floetry song….and heard the TEARS in Marsha’s croon? That sometimes heavy….bellow that almost immediately turns into a wail? It is as if she is somehow physically… putting her emotion into those melodies. I feel that. I can grasp it… squeeze it. This moment, with it’s song, it’s temperature… it’s smell and taste.. is as actual as those notes… and even still, perfectly evanescent.
I’m blessed. There are changes happening, some big, others trivial. Every.single.one. is good. Can’t remember the last time this was so…
