Living Daydream

Today was my GREAT Grandmother Sarah’s 91st birthday. She has lived through more significant events in time than I can imagine.

She is beautiful, still youthful looking and perky… and although dementia has taken her mind away from us… she still has very clear moments… in those times, she recognizes my mother by her voice… and has loving words of wisdom for her family members.

Grandma Sarah has taken care of her daughter, her daughter’s six children, and their children’s children. My family has five living generations… and to see us all in one room together is…. breathtakingly beautiful. There really are no words to describe my emotion. My family is blessed… beyond measure.

We surrounded her hospital bed provided to us by hospice… and sung gospel hymns… eyes closed i reflected… i prayed… and I praised God for what He has done, for what He is doing, and for what He will continue to do. I am oh so thankful. I think about the issues that have occupied my mind space lately, and they all seem so insignificant. I have a NINETY ONE year old GREAT Grandmother… she is here with us. I get teary just thinking of her. 

How strong this woman is… how faithful in her walk with God, she has been.. .and after all these years… even now, her mind has stayed on God. People have referred to me as resilient… but I know nothing comes close to what my Grandma Sarah has been. Yes… we are truly blessed.

Happy Birthday Grandma… i pray that you know that you are loved, you are cherished, you are BLESSED…and through all of your works… so are we. 

the sun shines again… like we all knew it would.

I’m okay. Thanks for the concern! Its a beautiful Saturday, and I plan to spend it outside (in the heat) with my family. We are going to the arts district to hang out… then later, mom is cooking out with another couple, so I’ll go visit friends and get some quiet time in there.

If anything, this whole summer has taught me to appreciate my family so much more. I’ve always been close to them… its just how we roll… but to really understand that things can change in an instant… a twinkling of an eye… wow. It really puts things in perspective. The beautiful thing is though, that no big changes need to be made. We all know how much we love one another, we say it, and show it every day. Its just nice to be here… and get in that quality time, ya know? Especially after the storm has passed. There’s much healing to be done.. and I know it won’t be easy. But we’re gonna make it!

I hope everyone is enjoying their weekends… Happy Birthday to Sabra!!!!  

Please be patient with me…. things are a little… well a lot crazy right now. I’m okay, but the truth is, I’ve been feeling like I can’t catch up since May. My dad… now this.

My uncle passed away this afternoon. I was able to see him, spend time with him just two days before. He wasn’t able to speak… but he was alert, and looking around. The doctor’s seem to think he was brain dead, and in a coma, but I disgree. I talked to him… prayed and prayed and prayed… and I touched him… held his hand, rubbed his arm, his face… He looked at me… with everyone in that room, he just kept looking at me. I love my uncle. My dad is torn up… that was the closest sibling he had… he and Chuck had a very special relationship. 

I guess I’m just hoping that this is the end of the tragedies for awhile. I want everything to go back to normal. I want my dad to fully recover… I want my family to heal.. I want my mom to not be stressed out. I want to go to bed at night and not worry.

Um… I keep wanting to write about the other things in my heart… but I just don’t have the energy. I went to see my god daughter the other day with my mom. That was such a bright spot. I went twice in the same day, so I guess its safe to say I’m caught up, lol. She’s just… perfect. It was so nice to just sit with her in my arms.. this little person just looking up at me before drifting off to the deepest slumber. It felt like a little escape from all the craziness of hospitals, and crying family members…

I leave here to go back to my place for class… then I will come right back in 3 days for the funeral. I still feel kinda numb.. I dunno…

If you are reading this, and you’re one of the few that have been trying to contact me, please accept my apologies. I will call, text, myspace, email, etc very soon. I have lots of life to catch up on… and err packages to mail. ugh… this is procrastination at its finest.

Please keep me, and my family in your prayers. Its much appreciated. I will attempt to blog a little more often if nothing but just for updates. Love y’all. 

I’m feeling super exhausted tonight. Its been a rough week. My uncle is very sick. He’s my dad’s brother, closest sibling.. the two of them are best friends. Uncle Chuck has a lot of problems.. he’s had a few heart attacks, two strokes, terrible diabetes, high blood pressure… (he’s NOT overweight!!!) A few weeks ago he had one of his legs amputated. He went to the hospital again on Tuesday to have the other one amputated. Halfway thru the surgery, he died… they brought him back… but he was without oxygen for 6 minutes. Now, he’s on a respirator, not breathing by himself… his eyes are fixed on the ceiling.. no blinking, no movement, no anything. We are all praying… waiting to see the results of the MRI, and the CAT scan.. to determine if there is any brain activity… any swelling… My aunt, and the entire family… we’re all just kinda… lost… frightened… in complete disbelief.

I’ve been trying to handle my fear alone. I’ve mentioned it to a few people…. but its late at night when I get upset. 2007 has been a good year for me personally…. but other issues seem to engulf me. I keep having these issues with friends…. health problems in the family… its just been tough. I’d like to think i’m a tough girl. I deal with whatever the world throws me. I get upset, cry sometimes…. scream in a pillow.. take a long drive/walk… then i’m okay. But I gotta be real for a moment here. I’m overwhelmed.

God…. i know you haven’t forgotten me… I know I have your favor. And I know that all things work together for the good of those who love you. So Lord… you knew this day was coming. You saw it all before it happened. I just pray that you give me the strength to do what I have to do. I pray that you cover my family in your blood… and that you hold us together through whatever is to come… I pray that you show me what to do in my relationships with my friends… that you guide my steps, and that you govern what comes out of my mouth… Most of all Lord…. I just pray that your will be my will… because I know sometimes how hard that can be to accept.

Amen. 

Today (well more like yesterday now) was a wonderful day. It was 07-07-07. Luck, spiritual, blessed, whatever.. it was a special day for many people. It was even more special because it was my dad’s birthday! He’s doing much better… its a rough and SLOW process, but I thank GOD for being able to even say that much! Happy Birthday Dad.

Dad had to be rushed to the hospital early this morning… well technically, it was Friday morning… He’s okay now, thank God…but it was a big scare for my mom and me. I’ve considered moving to be closer to them, and I think its definitely in the plans for the future. Life just seems to continue to get more and more complex by the day. Keep us in your prayers.

Luckily… there are whimsical, beautiful, fantastical moments in life that make us feel like anything is possible… I love those…  So… for Kat:

For the hopeless romantic…

Link (K.J. Pay attention when it gets to 0:46 and on)