It was late and nothing was on, so my channel flipping ended up on a scene with some woman in a way too tight dress seemingly cursing another woman who was being held back from hitting her by what looked like a relative. I couldn’t help it. I put the remote down to find out what had caused this train wreck of a scene. Unfortunately, i’d realize within seconds that the show I was watching was Bridezillas.
Now, don’t get me wrong, i’ve watched this show several times, mostly because it promises great moments where someone will surely make a fool out of themselves and cry in the middle of the planning stages of their wedding. The groom usually ends up wondering why he ever agreed to spend his life with this woman in the first place, and the bride morphs into something that looks more like the Hulk, than a vision in white. Sometimes, if you’re lucky, you can catch a ridiculous wedding where the bride actually choreographs a dance for her bridesmaids and groomsmen to perform as they come down the aisle (’cause being in a shiny big dress and tuxedo walking in a church full of people with their eyes on you just isn’t attention grabbing enough *rolls eyes* but i digress). I’m telling you, if you haven’t checked out this show, you should… at least once.. and ask ME to recommend an episode so you don’t waste your time on one of the unfunny ones.
So, there I was, watching this show, hoping to get a giggle or two out of the deal when I started daydreaming. Big surprise, right? I don’t know if its my age… or the fact that I have two X chromosomes, but thoughts of a happily ever after drifted into my head, and I wondered how it would all play out.
I’ve never been like other girls. When I was younger, my girl-friends would all fantasize about their weddings. What they would wear, what the colors would be, who would be their bridesmaids…. Next would come the conversations about what to name the kids and how many of each gender they would have. When these conversations came up, I’d end up outside riding my bike, or playing on my swingset/jungle gym. Sometimes I’d just sit and daydream about other stuff. I never cared very much about the wedding part of being an adult. I just kinda figured it’d happen when it was supposed to. I’m thankful for that mentality today. Especially when friends of mine are obsessed over bridal bull*#%^.
Its not that I don’t want a wedding… its just that, there is so much more to the happily ever after than just a big white dress and reception. I want a life with someone who loves me passionately. If we must talk about the romantic who is inevitably me, I will reveal (for the first time) what I do daydream about. I find myself wondering what a proposal would feel like. Whether it would be public, or private. A big dramatic gesture, or an intimate, special heartfelt one. Will he kneel on one knee? Will his voice tremble when he asks the question? Will he have carried the ring around for weeks looking for the right time… or will it be planned? What will his conversation with my parents be like when he asks them to marry me (yeah, i’m old fashioned)? Those are the things I daydream about in the romantic department. I think i’d be more excited for the pop-the-question moment than the wedding planning part.
Why is this? I think its because the moment a man who genuinely knows he wants to ask the ‘M’ question, realizes the magnitude of his feelings for a woman. He recognizes that this is the person he wants to wake up to each morning… to make purchases big and small with…. to take trips with… This is the moment he acknowledges that he sees her… maybe even for the first time… in this light. Its understanding that he wants to take his chaos and merge it with her own brand of chaos… and so… something about that makes me hella emotional. The engagement is the beginning of what should be forever. I have an especially realistic view of marriage, having parents that will celebrate 35 years in a couple weeks. I know it isn’t about that one day with linked arms and champagne glasses. It isn’t about a dress, or a cake or swatches of satin. Instead, it is about those vows, and even before that… it is about him.
and her.
and their seeing each other for who she is… and who he is.
It is about realizing that this person makes life even better… and about knowing in the depths of your heart that… maybe "you’d miss them even if you’d never met."
If I must have a super girly moment… I guess this would be it. Musiq says "even when you get on my last nerve I couldn’t see myself beefing with another girl." Cheesy? maybe.. but its real.
nope… never was a regular ol chick… but i always was a dreamer. i’ve spent (and still spend) so much of my life daydreaming… hope they come true.
yup… i’m feelin’ myself a lil… 
i’m a good girl. i’m a good girl. i’m a good girl. LOL I need sleep.
which brings me to my next point:
